Essay 20

Essay 20: Salt in the Beer

When I was a boy in Mayo Maryland my father would stop on occasion at a local roadside bar called the Hilltop Grill for a beer before going home. If I happen to be with him, I would go in and have a coke. One day, I saw him salting his beer and asked why he did it. He said that the salt released the carbonation and made the beer smoother. Whether or not that is true, I don't know. But I have used that metaphor of salting the beer many times since for situations where pent up energy is gently released.

For example, if you are really angry or upset at someone, try to see things from their perspective. Your anger will dissipate as you come around. In this case compassion is the salt in the beer. For example, say that somebody is in a hurry on the road, and they don’t think I am going fast enough. So, they beep and flash their lights, then zip around cutting back into my lane a little too soon causing me to apply my breaks. For some this could lead to road rage. But is it really worth it? Instead, I think about how stressed the other driver must be and how they are having a really bad day. Zipping around me did not make their day any better and might have even made it worse. I on the other hand am having a pretty good day. Ten minutes from now I will have forgotten about the other driver and yet they will still be wound up, stressed out and having an altogether rough day. So having compassion for the other driver released hostile energy.

Let’s turn this example around. Let’s say someone is really angry at you. As they explain why you are an idiot, your natural inclination is to defend yourself. However, this will just make the person angrier. So, instead, be patient with the person. Hear what they have to say. If they have a good point, you can offer and apology. If they don’t have a good point, tell them that you don’t understand and ask them to explain. Anger energy grows when challenged and subsides when unchallenged. If you remain patient and interested in their concerns their anger will subside. In this case your patience is the salt in the beer.

Here's another situation. If somebody has a very strongly held opinion don't counter their opinions head on. Instead try to understand them. As they explain their feelings in a non-threatening way the intensity of the feelings will abate. In this case your desire to truly understand their perspective is the salt in the beer. All too often we try to confront the opinions of others directly which only serves to entrench their positions. Adding a little salt to the beer allows apparent differences to rise to the surface and evaporate.

Here is an example of how seeing things from a different perspective diffused my own anger. I took my car in for a checkup and the repair bill was a lot bigger than I expected. I suspect that many people have been in this situation. As I was telling the story to someone a few days later, I added the observation “Oh well, its only money. If I don’t spend it today it will just pile up and I’ll have to spend more tomorrow.” It was a flip remark, but it gave me a very different perspective on money.

Perspective and patience are often the salt in the beer. And they lead to better outcomes than fighting and getting upset over nothing.

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